at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
