I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there is puke in my bra ... again
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