hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
