I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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