So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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