The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
