why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
