Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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