Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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