Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize