and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
