So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize