absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
