I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
