You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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