what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
