If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
