Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
tell me about the eggs
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
