Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
