Pants 0. Shit 1.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
