I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize