take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
