Porn is love you can see.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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