So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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