btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
