there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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