OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
