That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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