my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
soo... how was my night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
