If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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