evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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