If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
