So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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