I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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