Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
