Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
