Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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