i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
