the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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