Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
