No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
