definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She's the barista slut.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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