I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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