Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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