Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
