You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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