I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
