Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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