dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize