I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
