dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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