dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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