I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
