i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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