If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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