I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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