So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
