It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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