If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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