well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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