This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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