I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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