There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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