Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
